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A selection of very bad jokes,
....some people call them the very best Welsh jokes....
Not me though, although it is Welsh humour at it's best ;-)
...and here are some some slightly more grown up jokes.
A customer who had ordered some Welsh lamb from her butcher, suspected that the meat she had been given was not the genuine article.
"Are you sure this is real Welsh lamb?" she demanded, angrily.
"Well, Mrs. Jones", confessed the butcher,
"That lamb was really born in New Zealand but I can assure you it had Welsh parents."
What do call an Englishman holding a bottle of champagne after a Six Nations game?
Waiter.
If you ever wondered where all us Davies's come from, there's a big factory outside Merthyr with a sign outside saying "Davies Manufacturing Co. Ltd."
The All Blacks were playing England, and after the half-time whistle blew, they found themselves ahead 50-0, Jonah Lomu getting eight tries. The rest of the team decided to head for the pub instead of playing the second half, leaving Jonah to go out on his own.
"No worries," Jonah told them, "I’ll join you later and tell you what happened." After the game Jonah headed for the pub where he told his team mates the final score "95-3".
"What?!", they said, "How did you let them get three points?"
Jonah replied apologetically: "I was sent off with 20 minutes to go."
Not long after the Cold War began, it so happened that a socialist Welshman - John Jones by name - was in London. He happened to be sitting in a park one day when a man in a trench coat came and sat beside him.
"Voud you be interested in spying on ze Briddish?" asked the stranger in a thick Russian accent.
"Sure I would, boyo", said John Jones cheerfully. "For we Welsh have been oppressed for years. I'm on your side!"
Very well... Ze password vill be, "Ze geese fly high over ze frozen pond while ze sun shines." Got zat?
"Right you are", says John. "Ze geese fly high over ze frozen pond while ze sun shines. What do I have to do now?"
Nuzzing for ze moment... Ve vill activate you ven ve haf need of you. It may be a year, it may be 10 years, but ve vill. Vill you be ready? You vill remember ze password?
"I will", said John eagerly, and returned to his small home village in Wales.
Although John waited eagerly, the call never came.
Ten years, twenty, thirty ... until 1999, when a command came from the Russian HQ to activate agent John Jones immediately. A Russian agent headed for the little village where John Jones lived, only to find there were 300 John Joneses listed for the area.
He scratched his head and decided that he would go to the local pub and try the password until he found his man.
So, the Russian agent headed off to the local pub and ordered a pint of beer. He saw a man standing alone at one end of the counter, and thought he might as well begin. He sidled across to the solitary drinker, watching the crowd about him with cautious eyes.
"Nice evening", said the Russian.
"Yes", said the drinker.
"Is your name Jones?" asked the Russian.
"Yes", said the drinker.
"Funny, isn't it", said the Russian agent, "the geese fly high over the wintry pond while the sun shines."
The drinker tossed back his beer and said: - "It's not me you'll be wanting. You want Jones the spy, over by the window".
Do you know that Mary just got married yesterday?
Oh, God, is she pregnant?
No..
...well, that's posh.
The Welsh Assembly announced recently the opening of Wales's second airport, the Gurnos Estate International Airport in Merthyr Tydfil.
The first flight to arrive was the 11.50 Virgin Airlines Cross-Atlantic flight from America. The people from Gurnos estate were so excited that they raced to meet the flight, as it was the first Virgin seen in the area for 20 years.
The return journey to America was due for departure at 12.30, but it was delayed because when the pilot went to the aircraft he found it up on blocks and stripped to the bone.
As a result every house in the Gurnos now has a new hall carpet, every lounge now has a reclining chair, every bed has new pillow cases, and Mrs Bowen who is living on the end of the street has a new number for the house, number 747.
What do you get if you cross the WRU with an OXO cube?
A laughing stock.
Dai and Blodwyn were engaged to be married. Dai was sent by his company to London on a two-week sales training course. The course was fine but the evenings were boring and by the second week Dai was fed up with sitting around in his hotel bedroom and went down to the bar for a few drinks where he met a couple of girls of the night, who enticed him into spending his money.
On returning home Dai’s conscience got the better of him and he broke down and confessed to Blodwyn that he had been unfaithful to her twice.
Blodwyn said she was glad Dai had been so honest – she too had to confess that she had been unfaithful twice whilst Dai had been away... once with the Tredegar Male Voice Choir and once with the Ebbw Vale RFC first XV.
An English politician was giving a speech in Aberystwyth. He said: "I was born an Englishman. I have been an Englishman all my life, and I will die an Englishman!"
"What’s wrong, boyo?" shouted a voice from the crowd. "Got no ambition, have you?"
Rhys: Doctor, I can’t stop singing the Green, Green Grass of Home.
Doctor: That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
Rhys: Is it common?
Doctor: It’s not unusual.
Cabbie Rhys Parry was taking an American tourist from Bristol to Cardiff. When they were going over the Severn Bridge, the American told Rhys he had a longer bridge on his ranch in Colorado. When they arrived in Cardiff, Rhys showed him Cardiff Castle and he said his garage in Colorado was twice as big and only took a week to build.
When the tourist spotted the Millennium Stadium, he asked Rhys what it was.
He replied: "I dunno boyo, but it wasn’t there this morning."
Notice outside a theatre in Piccadilly : "The part of the Welshman has been filled. The Dai is cast."
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